Dark Flame ti-4 Read online

  "It doesn't end here, Roman. There's more, lots more. More than you could ever imagine. This, what you see here-this is all just a tiny little blip on a much bigger screen. But I have a feeling that despite what you say, you already sense that. And because you already sense that, you're open to it. And so, with that in mind, I'm wondering if we can maybe broker some kind of deal."

  "I knew it!" He laughs and shakes his head. "I knew you hadn't given up. Never say die, Ever, right?"

  But I just ignore it, forging ahead when I say, "If I take you to Drina, if I show you where she rests, will you give me the antidote?"

  He drops my hands, his face blanched, shocked, clearly struggling to steady himself. "You putting one over on me?"

  "No." I shake my head. "I'm not. I'm really not. I swear."

  "Then why are you doing this?"

  "Because it only seems fair. You give me what I want most, and I'll give you what you want most. You may not like what you see, you'll probably even end up hating me-but I'm willing to take that chance. And I promise you, I'll give you the whole, unobstructed view. I'll hold nothing back."

  "And-what if you give me what I want and I still don't give you the antidote? What then?"

  "Then I misjudged you." I shrug. "Then I walk away with nothing. But I won't hate you, and I won't bother you again. But I think you'll definitely believe in karma once you experience the effects of an action like that. So-you ready?"

  He looks at me, looks at me for a long moment, weighing, considering, until he finally nods, his gaze holding steady on mine when he says, "Wanna know where I keep it?"

  I swallow hard. My breath quickening.

  "It's right here." He reaches over to his nightstand, opens a drawer, pulls out a small, jewel-encrusted, velvet-lined box and retrieves a slim glass vial filled with an opalescent liquid that looks an awful lot like elixir-except that it's green.

  And I watch as he waves it before me, seeing it sparkle and shine, hardly able to believe that the answer to all of my troubles is so small and contained.

  "I thought you said you didn't keep it here," I say, my mouth gone suddenly dry as I take it in-seeing it shimmering before me.

  "I didn't. Not 'til after the other night. Before that, I kept it at the store. But this is it, luv-a single serving with no recipe card on file-the full list of ingredients exists only in here." He taps the side of his head and eyes me carefully. "So, we have a deal, right? You show me yours-and I'll give you mine." He smiles, slipping the antidote into his shirt pocket and gazing at me when he says, "But you first. You hold up your end of the deal. Take me to her-and the happily ever after is yours."

  thirty-four

  "Close your eyes," I whisper, grasping Roman's cold hands in mine, our knees pressed tightly together, our faces so close I can feel the chill of his breath on my cheek. "And now open your mind. Ridding it as best you can of all extraneous thoughts. Just empty it out-let it go blank-drop everything and just-be. Got it?"

  He nods, squeezing my fingers even tighter. So focused on this, wanting so badly to see where Drina now lives, it's heartbreaking.

  "Now, I want you to enter my mind. I'm going to lower my shield and allow you in, and-I'm warning you, Roman-you may not like what you see, you may become extremely angry with me, but I want you to remember I'm holding up my end of the deal, okay? I never said you'd like it, I only said I'd take you to where she is." I open one eye to see him nod once again, "Okay, so now-come in-slowly find your way in and-you with me?"

  "Yes," he whispers. "Yes-it's so-dark-so-I can't see a thing-and I'm falling-so fast-so-where-?"

  "It'll end soon-just hang in there," I coax.

  His breath quickens as the chill of it, a cloud of cold fog, hits my cheek. "It's-it's stopped-the fall-but it's still so dark-and so-I'm-suspended-and-alone-so alone-but I'm not-someone else is out there-she's out there-and-oh, God-Drina-where are you-" He grips my hands tighter, so tight they're about to go numb, his breath shallow, ragged, his body dripping with the sweat of his efforts as it collapses onto mine and he's swept away by the events unfolding in my head-his head-a breathless tour of the Shadowland, the infinite abyss, the final resting place for all immortal souls-including ours.

  Mumbling a string of words so softly I can't make them out, I only know from the tone that they're agitated, disturbed, fretful, as he hovers in the darkness, clawing and grasping, desperately seeking her. His forehead pushed against mine, nose pressed to my cheek, lips resting so near, all of his energy and strength focused on her.

  And that's how Jude finds us.

  That's what he sees.

  Roman and I together, sweating on his sheets, our bodies pressed tightly together, clutching at each other, both of us so lost in the vision, we don't see him, don't hear him, until it's too late.

  Too late to stop him.

  Too late to undo what he does.

  Too late to rewind and go back-back to how it was before-when I was so close-so close to getting what I want.

  And before I know it, I'm wrenched from Roman's grip, as Jude lunges on top of him, fist headed right toward the center of his torso, immune to my scream.

  My agonized: "Noooooo!"

  The sound of it filling up the room, and repeating over and over again.

  Scrambling to get up-to pull him off-to stop him from going any further-but it's too late. As fast as I am-I can't beat him-I got a late start-I was thrown off my game-and Jude's already there.

  Already on top of Roman.

  Already slamming his fist into his sacral center.

  His weakest chakra.

  His Achilles' heel.

  The center of jealousy, envy, and the irrational desire to possess.

  The collection of needs that drove Roman for the last six hundred years.

  Instantly turning him from glorious golden boy to pile of dust.

  I leap onto Jude, grab him by the shoulders, and fling him to the other side of the room, hearing a dull crack as he lands against the dresser, but not bothering to look back. Focusing on only one thing, Roman's white linen shirt glittering with tiny shards of glass as a dark green stain spreads across its front.

  The antidote.

  The vial for the antidote now smashed-destroyed in the struggle-and taking my hopes along with it.

  And now, with Roman gone, his soul headed for the Shadowland, there's no way to ever retrieve it.

  "How could you?" I turn, eyes blazing on Jude. "How could you do such a thing?" Watching as he struggles to stand, face blanched, hand rubbing at his back. "You've destroyed everything. Everything! I was so close-so close to getting the antidote-and you wrecked it! Forever!"

  Jude looks at me, hands on his knees, brow merged, struggling to catch his breath when he says, "Ever-I–I didn't mean to-" He shakes his head. "You have to believe me. I thought you were in trouble-you looked like you were in trouble! You didn't see what I saw-you were-he was all over you-" He shakes his head. "And it seemed like you were struggling-internally, like you couldn't handle it, couldn't fight your attraction to him. And that's why I came. That's the only reason I'm here. I knew where you were heading when you left the store and I didn't think you were ready to try this again. And when I got here just now-and saw you like that-well, I didn't want it to end up like that last time and so-I just-I-" "And so you killed him?" My eyes gape as my throat goes dry. "You used everything I shared with you against me, and you killed him?"

  He shakes his head and stands before me, his T-shirt torn from when I grabbed him and flung him across the room, his aura flaring in distress as he fiddles with the green malachite ring on the hand he used to kill Roman with. "You're always going on and on about how bad he is-how evil-how he runs an evil tribe of rogues-and how because of the spell you cast, you can't seem to resist him. You came to me for help. You confided in me first-not Damen. You chose me, Ever, whether you like it or not! And all I wanted to do was to save you-from Roman-from yourself. That was my only intention-to look after you-to take
care of you!"

  "Was it?" I narrow my gaze, as a new idea begins to take shape. "Was that really your only intention? Truly?"

  "What are you talking about?" He squints, rubbing his lips together, trying to decipher my words.

  "You know exactly what I'm talking about," I say, body trembling with fury, outrage, and defeat, as I clutch Roman's shirt, his antidote-stained shirt. "You did this on purpose." I glare at him, having no real proof that it's true, but still, once the words are out there, spoken aloud, the idea begins to gain strength and build, so much so that I quickly repeat it, venturing even further when I add, "You did this on purpose.

  This is no mistake. You knew exactly what you were doing when you came here. So, is this it then? Is this how you figure you'll win the game of four hundred years? Is this your big move? Robbing me, the girl you supposedly love, of the one thing I want most in this world? Ensuring that I'll never, ever get to be with Damen? Is that how you're playing it, Jude? You honestly think that this'll make me give up on my soul mate and choose you?"

  I shake my head and gaze down at Roman's shirt, my heart sinking when I look at the stain that runs across it, when I think of Roman's sad, pathetic life, and what's now become of his soul. Knowing I was so close, so close, to reaching him, to making a difference, to getting what I want-and now this.

  Everything lost in an instant.

  "Ever-" Jude pleads, the sting of my words conveyed in his voice, in his eyes, as he moves toward me, his hands reaching, but I won't let him get close, won't let him touch me.

  "How can you even say that?" he asks, finally stopping, conceding defeat. "I do love you. You know that. I've loved you for centuries, it's true. But I didn't intentionally set out to do this-to keep you from Damen in this way. You mean too much to me to ever do that, I value your happiness, like I told you before. And when you do finally make your choice, choose between us, I want it to be fair. This time, I'm determined that it be fair."

  "But I've already chosen," I say, my voice now a whisper. I just don't have it in me to fight anymore. Rising from the bed, still clutching the shirt, when Haven comes in and catches me like that.

  Eyes blazing as she surveys the scene, instantly filling in the blanks and putting the pieces together when she sees Roman's shirt in my hand.

  "What've you done?" she says, voice so low, so menacing, it sends a chill down my spine. "What the hell have you done?

  " She snatches the shirt, grasping it against her lace-covered chest as her eyes rake over me, assuming I'm to blame, and ignoring Jude when he tries to step in and assume full responsibility.

  "I should've known." She shakes her head, eyes narrowed to slits. "Should've known all along-when you came over to my house and tried to play nice-you weren't even the least bit sincere-you were using me, playing me, pumping me for information-trying to see when I'd be gone, so you could get him alone and then-and then kill him."

  "It's not what you think!" I cry. "It's not like that at all!" But no matter how many times I repeat it, it doesn't penetrate. She's made up her mind, about me, about Jude, about everything that's happened here tonight.

  "Oh, it's exactly what I think." She glares, hands clutching her shiny, black leather-clad hips. "Exactly. And trust me, Ever, you won't get away with it. Not this time. You're done interfering in my life. You're done robbing me of the people I hold dear. This is war. Absolute war. I'm gonna make your life so miserable, you're gonna wish your only problem was that you can't touch your boyfriend. Cuz make no mistake-you've never seen anything like I've got coming for you." She lifts her brow and flashes her teeth. "And Jude?" She spins on her heel, acknowledging him for the first time since she arrived.

  "You're gonna wish you were immortal, because after tonight, there's no way you'll ever be able to withstand what's headed your way."

  thirty-five

  "So, it worked," Damen says, his voice sounding soft, faraway. "It really did exist."

  I take a deep breath and gaze down at my knees, my feet curled up on the soft leather seat, remembering how he found me just as I was leaving Roman's, Jude following behind, as Haven continued to scream a full litany of threats from the door. Arriving at the scene just seconds after the movie let out.

  Not even bothering to stop by the Montage where I'd planned for us to meet, sensing there was trouble from the moment he read my message.

  I nod, gazing up at my house and remembering that triumphant moment when it all came together-when the antidote was as good as mine. Only to have it all fall apart.

  Our dreams snatched right out from under us in one horrible instant.

  I shake my head and sigh, knowing tomorrow morning I'll have to face Sabine. Have to come clean about my job, my psychic abilities, my moonlighting as Avalon-and reminiscing about a few hours earlier when I thought that was the worst of my problems.

  "It really and truly did work," I say, meeting Damen's gaze, not just wanting but needing for him to believe it. "He had the antidote, he showed it to me and everything. It was so-so small-just this tiny glass vial filled with sparkly, green liquid." I shrug. "And then he stuck it in his pocket and-" I swallow hard, no need to relive the rest. Not verbally anyway. Not when the scene keeps replaying again and again in my head.

  He frowns, having already viewed it almost as many times as me. "And then Jude busted in." He sighs and shakes his head. Gaze grim, jaw clenched in a way I've never seen before. "Why did you trust him? Why'd you confide our weaknesses-our chakras-how to get to us? Why would you do something like that?" He looks at me, desperate to understand.

  I swallow hard, swallow past the big, dry lump now blocking my throat, thinking: Well, there it is-the blame I've been seeking all along. He's finally judging me-but this time, it's more for what Jude's done than what I've done.

  But when I look at him again, I see that isn't it. He's simply trying to make sense of it all. But still, I just shrug and say, "It's my fifth chakra. My weak link. I suck at discernment, misuse information, and, apparently, trust all the wrong people in place of those who've been faithful all along." I peer at Damen, knowing he requires more, deserves more, bowing my head as I add, "And the truth is, he caught me in a weak moment-" I pause, remembering just how weak that moment truly was-how close I came to crossing the bridge that leads to the other side. And though I told Damen all about the magick, and how I turned to Jude before him, I failed to tell him that part, mostly because I was too ashamed. "An incredibly weak moment." I sigh. "What can I say?"

  Damen turns, his leather seat squeaking, as he looks at me. "And here I was hoping you'd learn to trust me enough to turn to me in weak moments, not Jude." His voice so quiet, so solemn, it breaks my heart to hear the words spoken out loud.

  I close my eyes and lean back against the headrest, feeling the threat of tears as I whisper, "I know. I should've told you.

  But despite all your assurances, despite what you told me, I just didn't believe it-couldn't believe it. I didn't think I deserved it. And, Damen, if you think you know the worst of it, well, think again. I'm afraid it gets much worse-" I turn, turn until I'm facing him, and press my palms flat against his cheeks. Aware of the energy veil now dancing between us, allowing for that almost feel of his skin, and knowing this is it-this is as good as it ever will get. I'm all out of options-we're out of options. Roman is dead and he took the antidote with him. Then I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and share everything. Every single horrible and humiliating moment revealed-flowing from my mind to his.

  Airing the unedited version, that awful night with Roman when I almost lost my virginity, followed by the scene at the Bridge of Souls-every horrible second revealed in all its high-definition, degrading glory. Knowing he deserves to know the truth about me-what I was, where I've been-and who I am now. The whole sordid journey.

  And when it's over, he just shrugs, covering my hands with his as he says, "There's nothing there that changed my mind about you. Not one single thing."

  I nod, knowing that's
true. I finally get it. What true and unconditional love really is.

  "Ever," he says, voice urgent, gaze fixed on mine, "you need to reframe how you see yourself and the choices you've made."

  I squint, not quite understanding.

  "What you view as these huge glaring mistakes-well, they aren't mistakes at all. The reality is nothing like you've chosen to see it. You think you've done this terrible thing by feeding me Roman's elixir, when the truth is-you saved my life! You spared me from the Shadowland! I wouldn't have lasted 'til Romy got back, despite the magick circle Rayne made. I was hovering in and out of consciousness. Not quite here, not quite there, and if you hadn't've done what you did when you did-if you'd refused to let me drink-well, I would've perished and my soul would've been lost, stranded, left to drift in darkness and solitude for all of eternity."

  I look at him, my eyes wide, never having thought of that. I'd been so busy beating myself up, focusing on how we can no longer really touch in the way that we want, I failed to realize I'd actually spared his soul from that infinite abyss.

  "And another thing"-he reaches for my chin, the almost touch of his fingers causing a rush of warm tingle-"you actually got through to Roman! And you succeeded not by trickery or calculated cunning but by appealing to his deepest sense of humanity-a humanity the rest of us failed to see in him and were sure didn't even exist. But you were able to go deeper than that, to see what we couldn't. You saw the promise in the person we'd all written off. Do you have any idea how amazing that is-how proud that makes me?"

  "But what about turning Haven?" I whisper, remembering her threat and having no doubt she plans to make good on it.

  "Did I not make the same choice when I saved you?" he asks, lips at my ear.

  "But you didn't know about the Shadowland. I did, and I condemned her soul." I shrug, pulling away to get a better look at his face.

  But he just shakes his head and pulls me back to him. "I know I told you to do otherwise, but if it were me in your position, I would've done the same. Where there's life, there's hope, right? At least, that's been my motto for the last six hundred years."